​RELIGIOUS COMPATIBILITY, DOES IT MATTER?

When most people venture into relationships they look out for various things. Mostly couples are concerned about each other’s interests and if they match with theirs. The truth is when we first meet someone we like; we are mostly drawn by their outward appearance and mannerisms. It maybe those sideburns, sexy long legs, wide brown eyes, the way she walks, that romantic aura in his voice and many more that make us weak in the knees when we first meet. As the relationship progresses you find out that he likes swimming so do you, you both like the same genre of music, you share a few favorite artists and even enjoy watching the sunset together.

It is true that both of you cannot like everything in the other’s basket because you are two distinct individuals and definitely not identical twins. Nevertheless, no matter the differences we always try and find a level playing ground so that we can enjoy each other’s company without feeling lost in our partner’s world. It is common to find couples discussing about money, social activities, and familial connections even household chores but often ignore the potential impact of a difference in religion.

This is very true. When a girl for example, meets a guy she may think something like,” oh my gosh! He is so tall and cute.” It is never something like,”oh my gosh! He is a Catholic or Muslim, which is so cute.” But truth is, religion affects things that our lives including our relationships: how we spend money, our time, the social activities we indulge in and definitely the way we will raise our kids. Most couples overlook this very important factor in a relationship. We concern ourselves with more romantic stuff like whether he finds me sexy in a red miniskirt, high heels or flats or whether he prefers natural hair to weaves.

Well all the above are very logical stuff and definitely add up the spice in a relationship, a difference in religion could easily blow that away. It may be a smooth ride for now but then suddenly after marriage you notice you are the only one carrying the bible to church on Sundays. It then dawns on you that he is Jewish and he wants the kids to be brought up in a Jewish tradition. Furthermore, she really does not fancy tithing, what for? It is her hard earned money for Pete’s sake. Then things start going down the drain and you do not know what to do to save your relationship. You may find yourself wondering, “should I CROSSOVER to Buddhism too?”

It is also not shocking to realize that most religions mostly have an ethnic affiliation. Most Kikuyus are Protestants and mainly attend P.C.E. A, most Kambas are in A.I.C or Catholic, most people from western are S.D.A or followers of Prophet Owour. My point is that faith is a very vital point in every human’s life. We all feel the urge to believe in something greater. Therefore, it is key for any couple to realize what the other person believes in. The earlier the better, so that you can realize what opportunities and obstacles it may present and balance things out.

A number of studies show that a difference in faith may result in more fights or even lead to a breakup or divorce in the long run. However, if you truly love that person you can always know when to compromise without feeling like we are being walked over. You can try out these few guidelines;

• Focus more on listening to your partner than on making your point.
• Be respectful and avoid judgment.- don’t turn into an holier- than- thou zealot.
• Focus on team work rather than arguing on who is right
• Focus on areas of connection.

Above love do not forget the love.  it is what brought you together in the first place. As I sign off remember, a family that prays together stays together. Or in this case, a couple that prays together prays together.

  So, DO YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S FAITH?