A ray of hope

 Joy Ndanu Munyao arrived at the gate of Miriti Girls’ High School. It was a bright, warm, sunny mid-morning. The weather, typical of the semi-arid vegetation in the area. She took in the fresh air that circulated her surroundings. Her round, wide and crystal clear eyes stared in wonder at the green gate in front of her. 

Transfixed to the ground, she read the bold writings word by word in her little pumping heart. “MIRITI GIRLS’ HIGH SCHOOL, MOTTO: STRIVE TO EXCEL.” Joy wanted this moment to be memorable so she dreamily stared, mesmerized. 

She was of medium height, with radiant brown skin and a slim figure that hang on dearly to her old tattered tunic from primary. It was the only one she had ever owned, had tried severally to mend it putting a patch here and there just to make it through the eight years of schooling. Grace had seen her through and here she was,  ready to start the next chapter of her life. She smiled. A beautiful smile. The white pearls hidden behind her slightly parted lips revealed a coat of brown on the upper set. 

“Ndanu we, ikalate tuikaselewe.” (Ndanu, hurry up lest we be late). Her father’s voice jolted her back to reality. She briskly followed him into the administration block where they were ushered into the principal’s office. She was asked to sit outside to let the grownups discuss the matter at hand. She knew that her father being just a poor farmer could not afford the tuition fee.

 However, she had hope in him. He had never let his family down. He was not about to. Joy also trusted the father above to provide a breakthrough. She remembered one of her favorite tunes, “God will make a way where there seems to be no way….” She needed more than a way. A highway would be great!

Humming away, her mind drifted off to the events that had happened the past few months. She was the fifth born in a family of eight; three boys and five girls. Three of her elder siblings were girls. Two were already married and uneducated. It was not appalling. Culture dictated most of the things in her community. In this case, education was superfluous for girls!

“Why educate a girl? She will soon be married and take all that knowledge to her in-laws. You are sleeping on a goldmine! At this age your girls should have already made you wealthy. Not walking around the village doing odd jobs to get school fees!” The villages had mocked their father for taking her and her elder sister to school.

She had taken to her books with a lot of grit. She knew she was an average performer. She was in the same class with her sister who was a top performer. It was not easy. She applied herself accordingly to ensure she secured a chance in secondary school. When the results came out she had scored three hundred and twenty six marks out of the possible five hundred. Her sister had scored an outstanding three hundred and eighty five.

The December holidays swiftly came to an end. January came. The calling letters arrived. They had secured good schools. No penny was available to take them to form one. The villagers gossiped every time they passed. They waited in awe for their downfall.

“After all that time wasted learning how to read and count! Eeh! Haha! The only thing you will be counting are the days to  your Ntheo (traditional wedding). Very soon you will be adding kids, filling the earth like the rest of us. Education does not make you a man. Asi!” their age mates boldly stated as they high-fived each other in open green envy whenever they went to the stream.

Their father finally convinced his brother who worked in the capital to lend him some money. Joy remembered vividly the day her uncle visited the home. She would never forget that day. How could she?!It was the day all her dreams and aspirations had been crushed and thrown to rot in the gutter. 

“My brother, I only have enough money to educate one child for you. Judging by their performance, it is no doubt Jane is that child . Let Joy get married like the rest. After all, isn’t that what girls are destined to? The only reason I’m even willing to pay for Jane is because I owe you so much.”

Those words had hit like a grenade. All her dreams exploded. It was over! She was not going to secondary school! She was never going to be a Mathematics teacher! Never! 

“Why was I born a girl? Why was I named Joy when all that feels my heart is sadness? Why me? God why? God are you really there?” she had soliloquized in between sobs. Two weeks later, she had half-heartedly bid her sister farewell. She had tried to be happy for her, sincerely. It was tough, she was human after all.

“You can come in now,” a soft female voice channeled her back to the present. She walked into the principal’s office timidly, hands behind her back, fingers crossed. This was the defining moment. She noticed a drawing hanging behind the principal’s chair. It was a picturesque description of the highlands. 

“Please have a sit. Your father and I have agreed that he will be bringing some maize to the school as a substitute for fees. In the mean time, I will make sure you get the necessary essentials to be comfortable in class. I can see fire and determination in your eyes. Hold on to that. It will open doors for you.”

After her father had left, she was taken to class. Tears of joy filled her heart. For once, Joy was joyful. She promised herself to strive as much as possible towards excellence. After nagging her father for a whole term, it had finally paid off. 

The sky was not the limit. It was the floor she’d tread upon. She wanted to be the first female Mathematics teacher in her community. 

One day she would stand before young girls and tell them it was possible. Society did not have to dictate your life for you. You had a choice.  She had made hers. She would be a living testimony, a ray of hope amidst the darkness. One day. Just one day. 

My African Mother

Just recently, my younger brother was being worked over by my mom. I was in the kitchen preparing supper when I heard a small frail voice calling out my name, “Sophie! Sophie! Kuja unisaidie.” 

 I stood at the kitchen door and before I stepped into the sitting room, my mom looked at me squint-eyed. All my plans to rescue my little brother came to a halt. My mom gives you those eyes that make you question all your actions even though you haven’t really done anything wrong. I knew that if I continued with my rescue mission, I might just face the music myself.

That incident reminded me of my childhood days. I received a thorough beating for my misdoings maybe that is why I turned out very responsible in the end? (Or so I think). But who knows, things could have easily turned out vice versa.  Let’s just call it grace and leave it at that. 

I remember this one time in class six I was sent to a neighbor to get my hair done. On arrival, she was not in. Instead of going back home, I and my friend Grace thought of a better way to spend our  warm,sunny afternoon.

We used to live in Mombasa and the heat in that place makes your blood boil to insane degrees! So we decided why not take a stroll to the beach. I was adamant at first telling Grace, “acha nirudi nyumbani nik’ombe ruhusa kwanza.”

“We nawe, nthoo twendee kila wakati lazima uk’ombe ruhusa.  Ah, Da! Toto la mama wewe! Tangu uende hurudi  jua litakuwa lishatua alafu tutaogelea  saa nga?”

Came her convincing reply coated in her Coastal accent. So I decided to test my fate. After all, we would only swim for a while, buy some viazi karai dressed in that juicy “ukwaju” and be home before my mom noticed I had overstayed. It sounded like a good plan and I was in for the ride.

We walked to the beach full of spirit. It was just a twenty- minute walk to the Pirates public beach. There is a way the vastness of that turquoise blue color of the ocean water captures your eyes and you just fall in love with it. You almost want to spend eternity there until you see the golden sun rays going lower and lower behind the horizon. That’s when you realize you have overstayed. We did not notice the time pass by. 

We got out of the water, put on our clothes; our bodies still drenched in the salty sea water and started our race home. None of us said a thing on the way back. My heart was beating so fast at that point I was not sure if it was water or nervous sweat that was trickling down my temples. I knew that was the day I would be toast and fried at the same time!

 I even started singing my favorite hymn “GUIDE me oh thy Great Jehovah,” in a shivering, shaky voice. Guidance I needed!

Finally, I was home. I took around five minutes outside the gate to our plot bracing myself up to face the ferocious lioness on the other side. Ferocious and waiting she was! Those few minutes seemed like a journey by bus from here to Texas. Since I couldn’t spend the night outside, I had to get in one way or the other.

  I walk in, mom is calmly seated outside our house and before I start explaining myself she sizes me up and down and asks, “mbona hujasukwa nywele?”

I hadn’t even opened my mouth to answer when a hot, resounding slap landed on my cheek.

  “Umetoka wapi? Ni saa moja. Kwani wewe ndio mwenye nyumba? Unaona umemea kifua sio? Leo utajua kwa nini kuku hatoi mazima. Acha kusimama hapo ukinikodolea macho kama bubu. Hauna mdomo? ”

I stood there dumbstruck still recuperating from the pain on my left cheek.  I slightly opened my mouth to explain myself but all that came out was an,”ummh, mom, wajua, nlienda….” 

“Unaongea useme nin? Nani amesema uongee? Kuja hapa. Leo utajua hujui,” then was dragged into the house as curious neighbors started peeking through half-closed doors at the unfolding drama. 

African moms are amazing-weird – wonderful beings. They ask you a question and expect you to answer but not speak at the same time?! The way I was worked on that night, I will never forget! I will live to retell that story to my grandchildren (hopefully). I could tell from the looks the neighbors gave me the next few days that they were shocked I survived unscathed.

Now I am in my early twenties. We can say I am past the spanking stage but can never be too sure (haha).  African moms have an abundance of gifts. They can be doctors. Those times when you feign headache to skip school because you have not finished homework, they will put a palm on your head, tell you to drink a lot of water and off to school you go.

They can be the strictest disciplinarians you can ever come across. Although, behind all that toughness lays a big heart full of love, care, tenderness and a lot of pride in the fruits of her womb.

  They can be the best counselors whenever you have pressings issues and will lend a listening ear. They always got your back. As the adage goes, if you have a mom, there is no place you will go that a prayer has not been before. Long live mom.

​THE LOVE CONTINUES

For the past 5 weeks I have had the awesome opportunity to blog about relationships focusing on matters religion and ethnicity. I want to wholeheartedly thank all my followers from word press, face book and twitter. I definitely cannot forget all those who viewed my posts either through a referral from a friend or a link on social media. I also thank all those who viewed from international borders, be blessed. Your comments have been very amazing, encouraging and have given me the will to go on writing. 

I must admit, before I joined word press, I was shy of expressing my thoughts through writing. Through the past few weeks I have overcome that fear mostly through your encouragements. Your comments have taught me a lot and have helped me get different views of what love means to you.

The following are my statistics for all my blogging activities: posts 9, views 431, and visitors 202.

I would not have done it without you guys.  I just want to leave you with the following quotes as an encouragement as you move ahead with your relationships. 

I must attest that finding God as a couple could be one of the most amazing gifts in a relationship.

All in all if you really love that person do not give up on them. Love them for who they are not what the world is dictating you to make them be. I have really enjoyed writing and will continue with this journey but I think from now on I will focus on many other topics in our everyday lives and not just relationships.

Love you all and till then be safe. But remember, the love must continue!

​RELIGIOUS COMPATIBILITY, DOES IT MATTER?

When most people venture into relationships they look out for various things. Mostly couples are concerned about each other’s interests and if they match with theirs. The truth is when we first meet someone we like; we are mostly drawn by their outward appearance and mannerisms. It maybe those sideburns, sexy long legs, wide brown eyes, the way she walks, that romantic aura in his voice and many more that make us weak in the knees when we first meet. As the relationship progresses you find out that he likes swimming so do you, you both like the same genre of music, you share a few favorite artists and even enjoy watching the sunset together.

It is true that both of you cannot like everything in the other’s basket because you are two distinct individuals and definitely not identical twins. Nevertheless, no matter the differences we always try and find a level playing ground so that we can enjoy each other’s company without feeling lost in our partner’s world. It is common to find couples discussing about money, social activities, and familial connections even household chores but often ignore the potential impact of a difference in religion.

This is very true. When a girl for example, meets a guy she may think something like,” oh my gosh! He is so tall and cute.” It is never something like,”oh my gosh! He is a Catholic or Muslim, which is so cute.” But truth is, religion affects things that our lives including our relationships: how we spend money, our time, the social activities we indulge in and definitely the way we will raise our kids. Most couples overlook this very important factor in a relationship. We concern ourselves with more romantic stuff like whether he finds me sexy in a red miniskirt, high heels or flats or whether he prefers natural hair to weaves.

Well all the above are very logical stuff and definitely add up the spice in a relationship, a difference in religion could easily blow that away. It may be a smooth ride for now but then suddenly after marriage you notice you are the only one carrying the bible to church on Sundays. It then dawns on you that he is Jewish and he wants the kids to be brought up in a Jewish tradition. Furthermore, she really does not fancy tithing, what for? It is her hard earned money for Pete’s sake. Then things start going down the drain and you do not know what to do to save your relationship. You may find yourself wondering, “should I CROSSOVER to Buddhism too?”

It is also not shocking to realize that most religions mostly have an ethnic affiliation. Most Kikuyus are Protestants and mainly attend P.C.E. A, most Kambas are in A.I.C or Catholic, most people from western are S.D.A or followers of Prophet Owour. My point is that faith is a very vital point in every human’s life. We all feel the urge to believe in something greater. Therefore, it is key for any couple to realize what the other person believes in. The earlier the better, so that you can realize what opportunities and obstacles it may present and balance things out.

A number of studies show that a difference in faith may result in more fights or even lead to a breakup or divorce in the long run. However, if you truly love that person you can always know when to compromise without feeling like we are being walked over. You can try out these few guidelines;

• Focus more on listening to your partner than on making your point.
• Be respectful and avoid judgment.- don’t turn into an holier- than- thou zealot.
• Focus on team work rather than arguing on who is right
• Focus on areas of connection.

Above love do not forget the love.  it is what brought you together in the first place. As I sign off remember, a family that prays together stays together. Or in this case, a couple that prays together prays together.

  So, DO YOU KNOW YOUR PARTNER’S FAITH?

​LIFE HAPPENS TO ALL, SO DOES LOVE

Lately I have been thinking of what life would be like without love. I mean, love is one of the strongest emotions that humans can ever experience. What is life without love? Even the Bible commands us to love.  To me love is so much in one that you really cannot put it all in words. There is so much to say to explain this awesome, wonderful feeling that one just cannot describe it satisfactorily. You always feel like you have left something out, like you really did not do it justice in your explanation.

Love changes so much in our lives. Sincerely, take a mother’s love for instance; it is so pure that you really cannot doubt it. Picture this, a street child living with his mom. He never really knows where the next meal will come from but he does believe that whatever mommy finds in the bins she will definitely share. Sometimes she lets him have it all because the not so stale ugali and kuku cannot be enough for them both. Her love may not be pimped with fancy clothes or toys from the junction mall downtown but every time she tells him ”tomorrow will be a better day honey, ” he believes it and goes to sleep with a smile on his face.

“I love you” these three magical words have meant so much in all humanity for centuries. They bring peace, happiness, gratitude and sometimes confusion almost in a good way. Love restores wounds and gaps that would have otherwise remained so till the next life. It gives meaning to life at times. It is either you are loving someone or there is someone somewhere loving you back and that is just the circle of life.  The most beautiful thing about love is that it is not biased. It overcomes all milestones. You know just like life and death, love happens to all and mostly without notice or even a manual.

My post this week is just to give a big shout out to all the people out there who go out of their way to love unconditionally.  It is hard to find someone who loves you with all your flaws and without judging you. If you have such a person in your life please hold on to them because they are as rare and precious as diamonds. If you are afraid of loving maybe it is time to make a bold move, get out of your cocoon and give it a chance. To those sharing this beautiful gift, press on the world needs more of that. Maybe with more love all the hate around could subside and make the world a better place. 

Good evening.

​WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is involuntary. Modern psychologists define it as the strongest desire for emotional union with another person. The Greeks used to define love as “madness of the gods.” Anyway whatever love actually is, it means so many different things to many people. We all have to admit that there comes a time in our lifetime when we feel that desire to be appreciated and deeply needed by another human being, most probably of the different sex.

 For most of us our first experience of the slightest touch of love was in high school probably in form two. You remember when we used to out for those gigs (funkies?) like music and drama festivals, sports tournaments and science contests.

I don’t know if you remember those guys with those tiny bags befitting a class one child who thought they had all the swag. They would walk in groups and stand after every few minutes to dance to the music with the latest moves, mostly dancehall that is. Then they would proceed to try and talk to the girls with the latest word in the English dictionary that they had recently learnt or the dopiest sheng in town. At the end of the day you had exchanged addresses and a week later the mail would arrive with a very cursive calligraphy that would be the envy of all our friends.

As years have passed by we have progressed to have more relationships that are worth more than just sweet nothings sent in a 30 shilling envelope full of his perfume.  Coincidentally we have all made sacrifices for the people we love. We have had to give up habits like smoking, womanizing, snoring, smelly socks (no offense guys), gossiping just to please that special person.

Love does what love does. Like all other feelings and emotions love asks for sacrifice. If you want happiness you sacrifice and many other things we want in life. As they say you cannot have everything, eat the apple and have it too. Sometimes the sacrifices are painful. History has it that may guys died for love with the classic examples of Romeo and Juliet, Valentine even Jack from the famous Titanic movie. To cream it all Jesus died for love too!

I recently spoke to Grace a fourth year student in the School of Education, in Moi university. She hails from the Nyanza region and is in a relationship with an amazing guy from the central region. She has very many expectations about the relationship inclusive of her being a future Mrs. Kamau. She has turned down all her friends and siblings attempts of trying to talk her out of the relationship. “They all think that I am making a mistake if I choose to marry him,” she says.

“For me this is not just a casual fling for my campus memories, it is real and he feels the same,” she continues. She is ready to bridge the ethnic divide in their relationship even though she may have to ruffle feathers with her father. He is solely hell bent on seeing her marry an Oluoch or Okoth. She believes that with time her family will accept her choice and be happy for her.

“I do not care if my dad chases me from home. I am an adult now, I can make my own choices and he certainly cannot dictate whom I am to love. I will fight for my love no matter what I have to sacrifice,” Grace finishes off with a sigh. For those of us out there how many sacrifices have you made in your relationship? It may or may not be bridging the ethic factor but are you willing to sacrifice more for your love?

Let the comments begin. Good evening folks.

​RELIGION IS LIKE A CULTURE

It was a rather chilly and rainy Wednesday afternoon in Uasin Gishu County which is famously known as the ‘HOME OF CHAMPIONS.’ I sat down with Sr. Dr. Justin Clemency Nabushawo at her office in Moi University. She is a lecturer in the school of Information Sciences in the same institution. She is a sister form the Catholic Church and I sought to inquire what her view on the magnitude of religion in a relationship is.

She starts off by pointing out that parents have different denominations, beliefs and values. As we grow up into adulthood our spiritual nourishment tends to lean towards the background we experienced since childhood.  For most of us our first experience of God was through Sunday school where we did not really understand the essence of it.  I am sure that ten, five or one shilling coin we were given for offering mostly ended up in our tummies in form of sweets or biscuits. We all remember those moments during Christmas and Easter when we would line up in front of the church and recite memory verses about the Messiah. No matter what your memory of church is we have all had a touch of the Gospel.

“The Catholic Church does not dictate from which church our members should have relationships,” says Sister Justin. The Catholic Church has similar doctrines to most of the Christian churches especially with the Anglican Church. She goes on to state that the Catholic Church gives room to “mixed marriages.”

“Mixed marriages occur when a member of our church decides to marry a member of a different church but each person retains their faith,” she explains. “The church advises such couples to give room to each other to pray where they feel comfortable,” she continues. It is the decision of the couple to decide where they would like the wedding ceremony to be held either in the bride’s or groom’s church.

“The most important thing is to have harmony of faith in a home since a division of faith can go a long way to divide the children in future,” Sister Justin responds when I ask her if different faiths could have any effect in a relationship in the long run.  When I inquire what her thoughts are when it comes to Muslim and Christian relationships she had this to say,”religion is like a culture, you do not want to renounce it. Yes love should be the main thread that holds two people in a relationship together but in such circumstances most people are afraid of the family stigma.”

I think I will have to conquer with her at this point, personally I cannot even dream of taking home a Muslim guy. If I dare, all hell would go loose in that house, an emergency family meeting would be called upon including the neighbors and I do not even want to imagine the outcome of such an encounter. Sister Justin concludes by stating that love is powerful and in any relationship nobody should coerce or use force to make the other person change their belief. “Faith is a personal matter, and in any relationship a mutual agreement should be formed between both parties.”

Well as I sign off I want to know if you are Christian would you merrily be in a relationship with a Muslim or vice versa? But just to remind you, a relationship is between two people and not the whole world.

Hope you voted peacefully by the way, good evening.

Why we should fight

So if we fight this might be the kind of conversation we be having with our kids.

You might tell them something like, “honey,  don’t play with Kiprono,  Omondi, Wangari or Wekesa. “then they will ask you a very valid question “why? ”

I’m not sure if you’re prepared for an answer or it will be along the lines of, “In 2017 our tribe and their tribe slaughtered each other like animals so you shouldn’t be friends with them. ” 

They they will look at you with those innocent eyes and a beautiful smile and wonder why they can’t play pikey pikey ponky or hide and seek with their friends because they can’t understand your point of view. So let’s all be wise come Thursday and do the right thing or this scenario might be the many nightmares we will have to live with for the rest of our lives.Peace to all. 

WHY WE SHOULD FIGHT

Five years ago eighty percent of Kenya’s registered voters woke up at the crack of dawn and lined up to possibly elect their next best leaders. It is almost five years later and some of those who voted are now reminiscing about the choice they made that day while casting that piece of paper in the ballot. One day and a few hours from now most of us will be undergoing a replica of the same process. So did I say we should fight? No, don’t even attempt it. If you should fight maybe with your blankets as you struggle out of bed on 26TH so that you can make it to the polling station on time and cast that vote of peace. This article is not about understanding relationships or fighting but actually a peace message.

My message of peace goes out to all Kenyans out there aged eighteen and above and own a voter’s card. Especially the youth in campuses all over Kenya like you and I. Take this scenario for example, you completed form four and out of the hundreds of thousands who sat the same exam with you, you were selected to join a higher learning institution like Moi. Wait a minute, take a deep breath and internalize this, were you selected because of your tribe? Maybe because you are Kikuyu, Kalenjin, Luo, Kamba or one of the other forty two tribes in Kenya?. We all know the perfect answer to that.

Let us continue on our little excursion down memory lane. We were all selected to study different courses in our various varsities right? Is there any course let us take school of Engineering for example , that chose only students from one region in Kenya only? Like North Eastern for example? I bet the answer is still no. To bring the point closer home let us picture our normal lecture set up. You wake up peacefully make your way to LH1, SR6 or LT1 depending on the school you are in. You sit next to a different person every day whether male or female. Are they always from your tribe?

What about our group discussions in class, are your group members your kinsmen? What of the circle of friends you hang around with daily or over the weekends for a good time? I for one have a best friend who is KIKUYU yet I hail from the eastern region of Kenya. She has been there for me and I would not trade her for anyone else because as they say a true friend sticks closer than a brother. Do you care if your church members on Sundays either at Grace Chapel, Christian Union, St. Michael’s, Seventh Day Adventist or the Altar of God or fellow Muslim brothers and sisters are your clan mates?
I could go on to even wonder about the person whom we were seated next to as we travelled home over the weekend whether was of the same tribal beliefs as us. In a nut shell we have shared a peaceful environment with these different people semester in semester out and yet we have never dared to pour even a cup of boiling water on them. Then why come October 26th should you and I suddenly acquire ninja skills and use machetes against the same people we have shared hard economic times with like the recent Unga crisis?

I bet we all want to go back to our schools and finish our degrees in peace. I actually think it would be pretty much boring to have a class where we all speak the same tribe. How will we learn without hearing a different perspective from the one we already know? If you ask me, we should not be tribal but tribe all. You ask me what my tribe is? My tribe is Kenya, forever and always my mama land and I definitely want my kids to find it as beautiful and peaceful as it is wouldn’t you?It shouldn’t matter what political affiliation our parents or any other relatives belong to because actions have consequences. Fifty years from now they might not be around but you, I and our children will probably be so let’s make a choice. A mind free to choose will always choose peace. # Tusibleed ndio walead. Peace.

​“I DO NOT WANT MY KIDS CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR SPIRITUAL IDENTITY…”

These are the opening remarks of twenty two year old John* who is currently a fourth year at Moi university taking graphics communication and advertising. John is a tall, dark, well groomed campus boy who is just on the verge of stepping out into the corporate world. Being a fourth year student he has definitely had the full campus experience, the dating world included.

It is a bright, cloudy and rather chilly Wednesday afternoon as we sit just outside the school’s library as he gives me insight on what he looks for in a relationship. He confesses to have manned up since he joined campus. He is no longer that shy, confused, party loving John his peers used to know when he was a freshman.

“There comes a time you just have to grow up you know. Soon I will be working, probably settle down in the next few years with a good lady and start a family,” he says. When I inquire on what his definition of a “good lady” is he defines her as one who is pretty, caring, loving, understanding and definitely with brains not just a pretty face.

We get down to my main question which is if he considers religion an important factor of his relationship. “Family is important to me and so is religion,” he replies. Being a staunch Christian and member of the altar of repentance and holiness led by the mighty Prophet Owour he confesses that he cannot marry anyone outside his denomination.

“Different churches have different doctrines. If I dare marry anyone outside my line of faith let alone a Muslim I will be signing my divorce papers before I even say I do. I mean we will be at loggerheads faster than you can say abracadabra,” john explains.

He sites that it will be confusion for the kids. “if I marry a seventh day lady for example, will the kids follow her to church on Saturday or will I take them with me on Sunday?” he poses a question which I really do not know the correct solution to. John’s family are firm believers of the church he goes to citing the fact that his father is a church elder (mzee wa kanisa). 

Family is important to John and he would not want to go against his family’s tradition by being in a relationship with someone who might bring a rift between him and his family’s faith. Ethnic background also seems to be on top of John’s list of qualities that he expects from any potential lady who will win his heart. He firmly believes that a difference in the local language to be spoken at home is a major tale tells sign that the union is heading down the drain.

He strictly maintains that he is not tribal given the fact he has friends from all over the country even though he hails from the western part of Kenya. He just wants someone with whom they can share the local dialect and be able to visit his in-laws without feeling left out in the nitty gritty conversations they have. “It does feel good to be able to understand the jokes from my in-laws you know. Not just grinning and staring at the ceiling in the sitting room as if I am counting lizards. 

While in reality my in-laws are ranting about what such a lousy husband I am yet I cannot figure that out because it all sounds like they are debating on which is the fattest chicken to slaughter for me,” John concludes with a laugh. 

John’s views are similar to many young campus guys I have talked to. I do not know if you conquer with him or not. But do you think this is actually true? Do our parents feel the same? Let me know your thoughts about this maybe you have a different view all together that we can learn from.